April 17, 2005
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“What if I was alright? What if I wasn’t wound so tight? What if I had the balls to be bad? Would you still look at me like that? . . . Maybe I was too much. Maybe I’ll take it down a notch. Maybe I have the guts to go mad. Maybe I’ll mess me up real bad . . . What if I can’t remember who I’m tryin’ to be? Why can’t I be somebody else– Somebody who isn’t too cool to believe it’s Ok to be just me? Just me” (Bleu).
Is it bad that I have 55 profile pictures uploaded from which to choose each post? lol. I’ve never denied my addiction to xanga. What do you think of this black and white picture? I made a few of them. I like it. My hair is back to the length it was as the onset of the school year.So today is my last Saturday here. I woke up at a decent hour and cooked myself breakfast. Chocolate chip pancakes. I studied for Book of Mormon and then took that final in the afternoon. Then around 5 I played a game of DotA with Eric, Josh, and Addison before going to Cafe Rio with Eric, Josh, and Brian. Cafe Rio was as always amazing. Especially since I got a free chocolate flan with strawberries and whipped cream. mmmmmm. Now everyone else is back to playing DotA. I’m taking a break cause I got a little too worked up about it. The real problem is me. I’m a pushover. I really am. And I suck at DotA. That doesn’t bother me, as long as I’m having fun, but sometimes I let others stop me from having fun. I’m working on that. Putting myself first.
You know I really do think I’ve changed a lot this past year. I even find myself disagreeing with previous post that I wrote a year or two or three ago. That’s partly why I took down my soapbox section and replaced it with the first presidency message of the month. Check it out. I tried to simplify and better organize that left hand column. One of my goals this summer is to rewrite my opinions on those political subjects. So maybe in a few weeks you guys can read some soapboxes again.
Yesterday’s post did not make subscription e-mails.
Now I’m lying on the table with everything you said, keeping mind the way that it felt when the most I could do was to just blame myself, . . . and I know you know, everything. I know you didn’t mean it” (Taking Back Sunday).
Comments (2)
Thanks for commenting and helping me out. As of right now, I am enrolled in 4 art classes for senior year, but because they are the only “soley art” (I’ve taken computer graphics, and digital design) classes, it’s like starting at the bottom of the totem pole. I won’t have enough pre-req’s to go into AP art. When I saw that we offered it, I wanted to take it, but couldn’t. If only we had looked into my interested fields at colleges sooner, I would have been able to plan better. I recently came back (this week) from a college visit at Arizona State University. I have a cousin going there, and I spent 5 days doing exactly what she does: dorm living and eating, going to classes, her volunteer groups, etc. I looked up in the career center what jobs are available with certain majors, as well as the competativeness out in the work field. I also got to talk to an architecture student and have a look around of the building and other student’s projects. I have definitely found other schools to apply to, of course, the prices of tuition, etc. are quite daunting, especially in comparison to BYU (this being a big reason it is my first choice of colleges). If anything, I’ll attend BYU for the first 2 years to get “the experience”, and perhaps transfer to another that has a better program in what I plan to major in. Thanks again so much! Hope your end of semester goes well!
Hey dan……..check out my other Xanga.