Month: April 2005

  • This morning my little sister was baptized. I used to have all the words for things like that. Now I can’t seem to find any. Such a remarkable milestone deserves more than I have to offer.

    My Uncle Justin came over today. I hadn’t seen him in a few years. I wish I hadn’t been so sick today so that I could have enjoyed more time with him. Oh well. We ate PF Chang’s and played apples to apples.

  • “So Who am I? Don’t say it’ll stay this way forever. Don’t say it’ll stay this way forever. I’m the lesson you’ll never learn, The sickness that was never your concern. I’m the big surprise at the end of the night, The bridge in the gap, The corner of your mind. So Who am I? Don’t say it’ll stay this way forever . . .” (New Found Glory).

    I was in a really grumpy, near-angry, bitter, resentful, frustrated, jaded, vulnerable, suppressed, confused mood sitting here on my computer bored and miserably sick when my sister Karen started singing His Hands. I’m not going to lie, I pretty much melted. It is such a beautiful, touching song, and her voice is so beautiful. “. . . They take His hands, His mighty hands, those gentle hands, And then they pierce them, they pierce them. He lets them because of love. From birth to death was selflessness, And clearly now I see Him with His hands, Calling to me. And though I’m not yet as I would be, He has shown me how I could be. I will make my hands like those from Galilee.”

    I hate being sick. Of course I come home just in time to catch the family virus (the downside of 7 kids, 2 of them almost 5 with the rest in school). My throat is on fire and I want to cut off my nose (a picture of Michael Jackson stopped me from doing it). Grrrrrrr. My whole head is so stuffed up with snot and medicine. (I’m sure that was a lovely visual for you).

    “I watched the walls around me crumble, but its not like I won’t build them up again. So here’s your last chance for redemption, So take it while it lasts ’cause it will end. And my tears are turning into time I’ve wasted trying to find a reason . . .” (Lindsay Lohan). [I know, I know. don't judge me, lol]

  • “I thought it was my fault, And in a way I guess it was. I’m just now finding out What it was all about. Moved to the west coast away from everyone. She never told me that you called, Back when I was still, I was still in love. ‘Till I opened my eyes and walked out the door, And the clouds came tumbling down. And it’s bye-bye, goodbye, I tried, And I twisted it wrong just to make it right. Had to leave myself behind, I’ve been flying high all night, So come pick me up, I’ve landed . . .”

    I miss the dorms, I’m not gonna lie. I miss having so many friends so close. It’s good to be home, and I’m happy and everything. It’s just that no one else is back yet. And now I have more freinds scattered across the country than I have here at home, especially with Weggs in St. Louis, JP in Cali, Andy in Vegas, and Elizabeth in Utah.

    I drove my daddy’s beamer for the first time today. It is so nice. 525. It takes turns on a dime. Ahhhh, the handling. And the acceleration. And the smoothness of the drive. It’s amazing.

    I had more to say, but I forgot what it was. Hmmm. I’ll get back to you on that.

    “If you wrote me off I’d understand it, Because I’ve been on some other planet. So come pick me up, I’ve landed, And you will be so happy to know I’ve come alone, it’s over” (Ben Folds).

  • *bows to master of picture posting*
    Sonarbison’s “How to Get a Girlfriend at BYU: Part II”
    *drools jealously*

  • Goodbye Mountains. Goodbye Utah brown. Goodbye Ducks. Goodbye Jason the RA who never stops smiling. Goodbye strange bus riding regulars. Goodbye man with tourette’s and the funny blue hat and two large drinks who shouts the names of the streets as we pass them. Goodbye shared itunes network. Goodbye DT smell. Goodbye seven towers. Goodbye Morris Center Chicken Cordon Bleu. Goodbye Dining Plus. Goodbye friends. Goodbye obnoxious people who I tried to avoid. Goodbye Mormons everywhere. Goodbye Bell Tower. Goodbye NCMO’s. Goodbye tunnel and tunnel singers. Goodbye ward. Goodbye temple view. Goodbye Y. Goodbye Home.

    Hello horizon. Hello green. Hello family. Hello brothers and sisters. Hello BMW 525. Hello suburbs. Hello strange neighbors with eyesore holiday decorations all year long. Hello wireless speaker network. Hello home-cooked meals. Hello seven kids. Hello kitchen with new chandelier. Hello memories. Hello obnoxious people who I try to avoid. Hello diversity everywhere. Hello Lincolnshire. Hello tree-lined streets and forest shrouded houses. Hello rich high-ranking school that churns out AP Students like a machine. Hello familiar Church. Hello strange, changed ward. Hello North Shore. Hello Home.

  • I’m done with Finals! It feels sooooo good! My dad will get here any min. and then we’ll pack everything away. I really wish I was staying longer. *sigh* But I am excited to be home again too. I’m just going to miss my friends here a lot.

    So in honor of my last full day here for the school year, I am posting . . .

    The things that I learned in college:
    • Missed family birthday parties, dinners, and other good times with the family mean more. Don’t skip them in high school for work or anything else.
    • Daily showers are not necessary.
    • If you dip your head under the bathtub faucet you can make it look like you showered even though you never took your clothes off. Cologne helps.
    • Despite the above two lessons, personal hiegene is important (or you may not be allowed in other people’s rooms).
    • Folding laundry is optional. Washing laundry is not.
    • Going to bed is optional. Sleeping is not.
    • Going to class is optional. Taking test are not.
    • Friends are good. Girls are not (unless they are friends).
    • Girls are wonderful. Treat them that way.
    • Sometimes you can get more done in the morning when you wake up than late at night.
    • Don’t count on it.
    • Annoying people will always exist. That doesn’t mean you have to acknowledge their presence.
    • When Brian says, “Dan look,” don’t look.
    • When Brian says, “I showered today,” he is referring to a day in the Lord’s time frame.
    • If you don’t want to give Brian a piggyback ride, than learn to do a quick sidestep when ever you hear footsteps behind you.
    • It’s better to be a druggy than to have psychological problems.
    • Go to concerts. They’re fun.
    • Go to the Cougar Cove when you’re bored and/or lonely.
    • Don’t close your door if you are lonely. Don’t stay in your room if you are lonely.
    • Close your door if you don’t want to talk to anybody.
    • Close your door quickly if you want to go to bed.
    • If James H. is in your room, give up. You won’t be going to bed.
    • If you leave your door open, people will go into your room even if you’re not there.
    • They will touch your stuff.
    • Study in groups. Then you can blame them if you don’t do well.

    I may yet have to add to this list. Hmm. Also, check out my favorite moments from the school year.

  • Favorite Memories from this past school year:

    Favorite Posts of the School Year:

  • “Have you ever tried not being a Mutant?” (X-men 2).

    Yesterday’s Post did not make the subscription e-mails. And unlike this post, it is better than a “this is what I did today” entry.

    I’m in a really good mood. Probably cause I cleaned my room spotless. So yesterday we had an x-men movie marathon. Good movies. I guess I really love the marvel comics. Spiderman, X-men. All great movies. (thank you Jori for correcting me) There are themes that everyone relates to in them. Anyway after watching the x-men movies Adrien burned me some pictures and we had our last ward prayer. Then I went to bed early so that I could get up at 5:30 cause I wasn’t feeling too hot and I had an 8:00 final for art history that I wasn’t ready for. This morning I got up early and started getting ready for it. I’m not sure I did as well as I would have liked, but I got an 88 on my paper, so I’ll be ok in that class. *crosses fingers*

    Then after lunch I was just feeling so blah and beat down from that final so I cleaned my room and felt better. See how clean my room is! (ignore the closet. still working on that)

    Then I studied a bit, had pizza, went to family home evening, and then Andrea called and so I went and played curses with Megan, Andrea, Andy and some of their other friends. Now it does not beat Apples to Apples, but I have to say curses is a really fun game. Much laughter. I highly recommend it. And you know what’s sad? I’m just now meeting people who are really fun, and I leave on Thursday. Andrea is a really cool girl. It’s a shame that I only got to have fun with her for like 2 weeks. Andy was hilarious. Oh well. I guess there are lots of cool people in the world that I haven’t met or will only know for a short while. Maybe one of these days I’ll find a cool person on a park bench.

    Can you look at yourself and feel proud of all the things you’ve done? Did you inspire the ones that you knew? Make a difference to those who knew you? Did you finally figure out what it is that makes us who we are today? . . . Did you always give it your best? Is there anything you regret? If you could have another shot at it all would you do it just the same? Was it all that you thought it could be? Are you the person you thought you would be? Or did it feel like you were spinning your wheels instead of moving forward everyday?” (Hoobastank).

  • Today was my last Sunday. It was a good Sunday. In Church today I wish I would have been able to teach that last lesson, but instead the Bishop asked that we have a ward-wide testimony meeting. I really enjoyed it, and was glad to see that the testimonies were meaningful and broke the stereotypes of BYU testimony meetings. I got the chance to bear my testimony. I said that I was grateful for the chance to teach this year because I had learned so much. One of the things that I learned in preparing lessons from the D&C is from section 6.
    “Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?” (D&C 6:22-23).

    I was blessed with a testimony at a young age. I can’t remember a time when I did not believe in God and in Jesus Christ. (the link goes to an old entry made public for this post) I can’t remember a time when I didn’t revere Joseph Smith as a Prophet of Jesus Christ. I do remember specific events that defined my testimony. I remember when I was two weeks away from my twelf birthday and went to Nauvoo and Carthage. I remember the feeling that I felt at the Carthage Jail. I remember my freshman year in High School when I read the Book of Mormon for the first time cover to cover by myself. I remember that night when I finished it and knelt down next to my bed, seeking to know if it was true. I remember the answer to my prayer. I remember how firm it was, how surely I knew that the Book of Mormon was true. Oh how divine that euphoric feeling was.

    Now I am old. I am so different from the kid who had those experiences. I have had different spiritual experiences that have shaped my young adult life. I have also had trials- especially this year, my first year in college. I’ve experienced failure, pain, heartache, homesickness, lonliness, inadequacy, doubt, and desperation. Though I have also experienced countless triumphs, joys, and accomplishments, there have been many times this past year where I have wondered if I would ever have the faith I had as a child. I have wondered if maybe those feelings, those things that I knew when I was younger were just the childish hopes of youth.

    That is where this scripture hit me. Man did it hit me hard. “Cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?” After reading that scripture I thought of those first nights when I cried unto the Father in my heart. I thought of the feelings I felt then. Once again I knelt next to my bed and asked for that witness, and once again I felt the calm assurance that had comforted me so often for so many years. I knew that I already had the witness. I realized that that knowledge, that testimony of Jesus Christ and of the Book of Mormon were not childish hopes and comforts. They were real feelings that strengthened me and inspired me. They were good, and they were true.

  • “What if I was alright? What if I wasn’t wound so tight? What if I had the balls to be bad? Would you still look at me like that? . . . Maybe I was too much. Maybe I’ll take it down a notch. Maybe I have the guts to go mad. Maybe I’ll mess me up real bad . . . What if I can’t remember who I’m tryin’ to be? Why can’t I be somebody else– Somebody who isn’t too cool to believe it’s Ok to be just me? Just me” (Bleu).

    Is it bad that I have 55 profile pictures uploaded from which to choose each post? lol. I’ve never denied my addiction to xanga. What do you think of this black and white picture? I made a few of them. I like it. My hair is back to the length it was as the onset of the school year.

    So today is my last Saturday here. I woke up at a decent hour and cooked myself breakfast. Chocolate chip pancakes. I studied for Book of Mormon and then took that final in the afternoon. Then around 5 I played a game of DotA with Eric, Josh, and Addison before going to Cafe Rio with Eric, Josh, and Brian. Cafe Rio was as always amazing. Especially since I got a free chocolate flan with strawberries and whipped cream. mmmmmm. Now everyone else is back to playing DotA. I’m taking a break cause I got a little too worked up about it. The real problem is me. I’m a pushover. I really am. And I suck at DotA. That doesn’t bother me, as long as I’m having fun, but sometimes I let others stop me from having fun. I’m working on that. Putting myself first.

    You know I really do think I’ve changed a lot this past year. I even find myself disagreeing with previous post that I wrote a year or two or three ago. That’s partly why I took down my soapbox section and replaced it with the first presidency message of the month. Check it out. I tried to simplify and better organize that left hand column. One of my goals this summer is to rewrite my opinions on those political subjects. So maybe in a few weeks you guys can read some soapboxes again.

    Yesterday’s post did not make subscription e-mails.

    Now I’m lying on the table with everything you said, keeping mind the way that it felt when the most I could do was to just blame myself, . . . and I know you know, everything. I know you didn’t mean it” (Taking Back Sunday).