August 3, 2008
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Visual Memory
I’ve always been a visual person. Visual things are just important to me–the way things look, the way they are portrayed. Often I will mentally crop the things that I’m looking at to form the best composition. It’s just the way I am. Memory for me, then, is very visual, which is why my memories are so closely tied to place. Certain places bring back certain memories, and when I am away from those places, I have a very hard time remembering.
I think I figured this out the first time I moved away from home. The moment I arrived on BYU campus, a flood of EFY, swim camp, and Peterson family memories came back to me. I was in Provo, and so that’s what I remembered and what I thought about. Freshman year I started forming new memories, and I forgot all about high school. Then I went back for winter break. I remember driving down Berkshire Lane in the snow and all of those high school memories came flooding back. It felt so good to be home. Less than a year later, I left home again, this time for LA. As a missionary, I had a hard time remembering my pre-mission life. I was just so focused on my mission. When I went home two years later, though, it all came back to me so quickly. Now I can hardly remember Los Angeles. I am sure when I drive through Los Angeles in two weeks all of those mission memories will come back, and I’m not sure how I will feel.
I have been thinking a lot about Chicago lately. Tonight I watched Wicker Park, and the other day I saw Dark Knight, both of which were filmed there. Certain shots in those movies brought back some memories of things I had forgotten. A field trip to a Navy Pier–I remember the view out the bus along Lake Shore Drive. Lessons at the Art Institute. My mom staying for the first class, then getting awkwardly kicked out the second. I remember going to visit my dad’s work downtown. I remember a Christmas party in the LaSalle building. There were fireworks, but another skyscraper was in the way. I remember once when I was really little my dad took me to dinner with one of his costomers. We tried to get a reservation at the Michael Jordan restaurant, but it was too full. I don’t remember where we ended up eating (we tried several places), but I remember afterwards we went to the sky lounge in the John Hancock Building and got fancy drinks. Whatever mine was, it was tropical and it was the best drink I’d ever had, and to this day I don’t ever remember drinking everything as good as it was. I probably never will, because in my memory I’ve made it out to be the best drink ever. I remember the view. It was so beautiful. It was late, and so it was dark, but the lights were everywhere! As far as I could see there were rows and rows of crisscrossing gold lights. It is one of my all time favorite things to look at–city lights. Every time I land in Chicago at night I see them.
Tonight watching Wicker Park I remembered a time being downtown with my family in the winter. There was snow, and it was freezing cold. It was night. We were in this park, and there were German shops set up every where. Some had handcrafted ornaments. Some had pretzels and bratwurst. One had these glass artwork things I liked. I remember getting a steaming cup of hot chocolate, and it was so good because my ears were so cold. I remember seeing the giant Cathedral like sky scraper lit up. I can’t remember what the occasion was that day. Maybe we were there to see the Marshal Field’s windows or something. I can’t remember if Margot had been born or not. I think it might have been just the oldest 4. I probably remember the way things were when there were just four of us better than the others because I’m the oldest.
Even logos carry visual memories. Every time I see the comedy sportz logo on the door of the one here in Provo I think about both my cousin Connie in a high school comedy sports performance and then a trip a fews later with my Aunt. I remember Auntie taking me to buy a silver shirt at a department story and then taking me to Danny Platt’s Bar Mitzvah party. I remember driving through Boystown in Chicago by Wrigley Field to get to the comedy sports down there. And for some reason, I can’t think about looking out the window in her car and that whole trip without thinking about Auntie taking me to Dave and Busters for my birthday that same year. Our favorite game was the Jurassic Park game. We came home reeking of smoke. I think we washed my shirt at Grandma’s house to get rid of the smell. It was a dark blue shirt she had given me for my birthday. Funny, when I see the Dave and Buster’s logo in my mind, I think of the Dave and Busters in Arcadia on the way to the Foothill Chapel from the mission office. That was a trip I made all the time when I served in the office.
It’s just so funny to me how closely my memories are tied to visual and locational triggers. I don’t really know why I’m writing this. I was just lying in bed when I thought of it, and felt a need to write it down. I think I was afraid of forgetting it all when I woke up in the morning. It’s important that I remember, because it helped me realize why I am cranky in a certain location where I was today. It’s because something bad happened in that location, and whenever I am there, I remember the negative emotions I had there. I need to go back to sleep now. Goodnight.
