April 5, 2008

  • The Scars from the Nevers and Maybes Died

    Oh my goodness, I had so much fun last night.

    I went up to Salt Lake City with Laura German and Sharla Carlson from my mission to go to an informal mission reunion.  It was really good to talk with them, and I felt very comfortable with them.  Sister German and I are tight--we have an understanding.  When we got the restaurant, I'll confess to feeling really weird.  I didn't expect it at all.  I felt . . . ok, when I started my mission, I was very afraid of rejection.  After a few months I had overcome it and was feeling very confident.  I had become a person that was well liked by the missionaries, and I was successful, so I wasn't rejected.  Since I have come home, though, I have changed so much and have become more authentic, and therefore more vulnerable.  So when I walked in to the restaurant and saw all of these former missionaries who know me as Elder Embree, I was  suddenly filled with that fear of rejection all over again.  I felt like they didn't know me at all, and this time rejection would be of the real me, not the version of myself I had created for the mission.  I am grateful for Laura and Drew Dayton, who do know the real me and still embrace me with fervor.  Without them, the reunion would have been very unfun.  Instead, I had a great time.

    After the reunion I met up with some friends elsewhere in Salt Lake City, and we had a General Conference party that was so much fun.  So much fun.  So much fun.  More fun than I've had in a very long time.