November 7, 2007

  • Feel for the First Time

     "I'm stuck here alone in the traffic lines, while couples in love in the H-O-V fly by.  I don't get it, I'm not asking for much, but everybody wants to just have--- something. 
    So I'll be picking me up, breaking me down, I was lost, was I found? I wanna feel everything. When everything feels wrong with me.  Take a look, Embrace myself.  Everybody wants to make it count."     (The Rocket Summer).

    So it has now been a week since I took James to the MTC.  I miss him terribly.  I know that he will be a great missionary, and I know this is what he wants and what he needs to be doing.  Still it feels weird to let him go.  I feel kinda gypped- robbed of something.  Right now I am listening to music and it is just overtaking me and I want to talk to him about it.  Is that weird?  I just want to talk to him so badly right now.

    I remember when we were little and we would talk and he was always the one who understood me.  I remember playing our make believe games and talking about dragons and wizards and flying.  I remember in high school he could always read me better than anyone.  And I trusted his input more than anyone elses input, even if I didn't follow it, I knew he was right.  He is always right.  And we would listen to music and it was ok if we both got really into it.  And so I'm left here thinking about how much I want to tell him about my new music, and he is out there learning Spanish and preparing to go do awesome things in Argentina.

    "We're crashing into the unknown.  We're lost in this, but it feels like home.  I'm feeling alive all over again.  As deep as the sky under my skin. . . Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right where I belong with you tonight.  Like being in love to feel for the first time" (Lifehouse).

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