It’s sad how much two years takes out of you.
I just swam 1000 yards in the RB in 40 mins. That is so pathetic. The last time I swam laps I swam a 500 yards in 5:40. That was three years ago. 1000 yards should be barely a 15 min. warm up.
I am totally spent. I am exhausted. I must confess, the chlorine smells and the muscle exhaustion and the feeling of the water and the pressure of the goggles on my head and the texture of the air all took me back. So many memories, and yet it felt really strange too. I need to do it everyday for it to be worth anything. Tomorrow will be the big test.
In other news, I am the FHE dad. Natalie is my FHE wife. We had a nice family home evening tonight in a blanket fort in the girls apartment. Their whole living room was turned into a fort. It was just like fourth grade. I know you’re jealous.
“And the risk that might break you is the one that would save. A life you dont live is still lost, so stand on the edge with me. Hold back your fear and see nothing is real til it’s gone” (Goo Goo Dolls).
Today in sculpture we were working on our bronze casting projects. We have to create a wax sculpture which is then coated in a shell. To cast the bronze, we melt out the wax and pour molten bronze in its place. Then we break off the shell, and viola- a bronze scuplture. The wax for the project is kept in a giant vat at about 700° (rough estimate). We scoop the melted wax out to use. Well I was scooping out some wax, and I wasn’t wearing gloves like I should have. As I was lifting the cup up out of the wax, the wax in the cup suddenly flowed down to the bottom of the cup, changing the balance and knocking it back into the wax. It hit the surface with a huge splash that sent a wave of scalding hot wax over my hand.
I ran to the sink yelling and put my hand under cold water. It hurt, a lot. The wax hardened into a shell over my four fingers. I couldn’t bend them. After letting my hand cool, I started to peel the wax off. You know how your skin is covered in dead skin cells- like an outer layer of skin? Well the wax took that with it. In addition to the hair on my fingers. I have significant hair on my fingers. It hurt, a lot. I daresay even more than the burn. I don’t know what posesses a girl to wax herself intentionally. It is horrible! Anyway, the point I’m getting to is that the whole ordeal left my hands really smooth and soft (albeit slightly pink and puffy).
When I got home for lunch, Brian had his girlfriend over, and I asked her for some female insight. I rehersed the story to them, and mentioned how I would be seeing a girl I was interested in soon and asked if I could use this story as an excuse to get her to hold my hands. You know? It would be the perfect excuse! They both laughed for a really long time, and then she said no. Apparently that would destroy all future with this girl and I must promise never to tell the story to her in that context.
As I was walking home from campus, I heard someone call out to me. It was a very cute girl from my family home evening group who I had thought was out of my league. She waved me over and introduced me to her cousin, a hot girl who also seemed out of my leauge. We had a nice chat. The fact that she went out of her way to introduce me to her cousin and talk with me was an indication to me that maybe I don’t have to sell myself short. It was kinda nice.
Man. I like this honesty thing. It’s fun to blog about the random insignificant things that make up my day.
Wow. Over the past few days I have had this creative writting assignment hanging over my head. I’m supposed to write a short fragment memoir scene. It has me baffled. I have been agonizing over it because I just can’t remember any scenes from my life before my mission. In search of inspiration, I started reading my xanga entries. They sucked me in. Gall, they were so full of life! The things that I wrote about- I had completely forgotten what my life what like. I had forgotten how much certain people meant to me. I had forgotten all the thrills I took in small pleasures, and all the thick stirrings of uncertainty, and the excitement when events worked out.
One of my roommates just walked in and asked me what I was doing, I
told him I was reliving my life. I am so glad I wrote these things down. It’s true. Reading these posts was like reliving my life. I was reclaiming it. Since I’ve been home from my mission, I have felt so lonely and disconnected. I just couldn’t access the person that I was before- even the memories were stiff and elusive. Now I have it all back. I feel so wonderful. I have had such an awesome life! And these people- they cared about me and I cared about them. And these places- I knew them so well and thought so much about them. And these songs. There was so much meaning in them, and when and where and which of them I quoted reveals so much about me and so many things that only I know that I remember that I had forgotten.
I think I am finally able to think of myself as Dan and not Elder Embree. Elder Embree was a wonderful person to be, and I loved him, but I can be Dan now. I remember who Dan is. You know, one thing I have noticed about my xanga entries (I’m talking clear back to 2003 and 2004), even the most meaningless things were noteworthy and interesting and well received by friends and xangans. I wrote paragraphs about orange juice! I wrote about the euphoric excitement from reading the book of Mosiah (July 28, 2003). I wrote down random epiphanies (Jan. 18, 2005). I wrote about cravings and desires. Do you know how much knowing about those things means to me now? Wow. Even the words I used to make up or use in weird wasy- *snarl* and uber-happy and chipper. I will never be apologetic about anything I write on here again- be it drama or stupid or trite. In the end, it is always meaningful.
“Kaye, are you even real? Do you think that maybe we could be lovers once in a while? Say something I can feel; I am never here and it’s impossible to heal. Go ahead and understand me underneath the killer blue sky. Go ahead and understand me please.” (Jupiter Sunrise).
Yesterday we went to DI (LDS thrift store) and bought three tiki torches which we converted into lamps for our living room. Then we hung a coconut carved into a monkey on the wall. We pretty much live on an island now.
We were planning during a planning session at our house when we heard some kids at the park out the window. They looked like trouble and were smoking. When they left, they stashed something in a grill. We were curious, so we went to check it out. It turned out to be a meth pipe. We put a “Finding Faith in Christ” pass along card next to it.
A few weeks later (they were there every morning) we saw them using an apple as a bong. That was when we just got fed up and called the cops. They haven’t been there since.
My companion received a letter in the mail that he had sent to his mom. It said “return to sender” on it and had come back to him. He checked the address, and it was correct. The postage had been enough. We couldn’t figure out why it had been returned. Finally he opened it, finding a new letter from his mom to him and a note that said, “Do you like the way I reused the envelope?”
“When it comes to relationships (I’m the dumbest one), And I don’t mean just with girls (I mean with everyone). Your illustrations always point out just what’s wrong with me. It’s Chap Stick, and Chapped Lips, and things like Chemistry” (Relient K).
Well today I did things different. Instead of coming home after class to do my homework, I stayed on campus. In fact I did all the same stuff I would have normally done at home on campus. And I did a lot of other errands too because I was conveniently already on campus. And you know what happened? I ran into tons of people! I ran into Adrien who I hadn’t seen in 2 1/2 years and it was just awesome to reconnect with her. I ran into Trevor, a kid who lives in my mission. I ran into Jeff Costello, a missionary who came home at the same time as me. I just felt like I was talking with everyone! And I was happier, more productive, and felt better about myself. So, I’ve learned a valuable lesson here, one that hopefully will help me adjust.
It’s nice to have an outlet like xanga to express all these awesome discoveries. You know, I’ve been xangaing for 4 years. This thing has become my journal. Despite that, I must say that half of what I write here does not really reflect who I am, and certainly not how most people would perceive me in the real world. So don’t let xanga tell you who I am.
P.S. I love Relient K.
