Month: August 2005

  • "So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you, for my head, for my heart, for its true. So take me and savor me and change me and then make me, and embrace me and then brave my heart for you." (The Rocket Summer).

    I am wearing this fancy sun-block that makes me smell like orange juice, and this makes me happy.

    I am also listening to "Never Knew," and this makes me happy.

    I am also having a party (you're invited) on Saturday, and this makes me happy.

    I am twelve days away from my mission, and this makes me a million emotions, of which happy is one.
    (others include: scared, thrilled, anxious, ecstatic, thoughtful, peaceful, stressed, comfortable, sentimental, spiritual, prepared, worried, impatient, humbled, calm . . .)

    Tonight was perhaps the last ten o'clock run to McDonalds with my little sister Megan. Whenever my parents get overwhelmed at night and Megan isn't going to bed, I take her out to get ice cream at McDonalds. The goal is to have her asleep before we get there, but if she's not it's ok because I can afford the dollar sundaes. Tonight was a dollar sundae night. It was extra special because today is her birthday, so I got chicken mcnuggets too. She dips the chicken in the chocolate sundae. Two years from now she'll probably have caught on to the fact that it's not good to dip chicken in chocolate and ice cream. Maybe she'll still like it anyway and I can take her again on another ten o'clock run.

    "So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you, for my head, for my heart, for its true. So I'm burning the thoughts of the things that I once said, because you tore down the walls that the world that has put inside my head. . ." (The Rocket Summer).

  • "I'm thinking that this isn't real, but I'm not concerned. I feel the best when you're not here, but I never learned. I never learned. In my mind I'll work this out. This is changed, I never saw it coming." (Days Away).

    Of all the things that I will miss most when I become a full time missionary two weeks from now, I think that one of the hardest to leave will be my music. And as I say that I know exactly why missionaries are asked to only listen to Christ-centered music. Music is just so powerful. Lyrics too. They evoke in me memories and passions and emotions that would really distract me from the work.

    Specific songs make me wild with enraptured thoughts of old relationships, relationships that never were but that I still wish had happened, friends, ex girlfriends, girls I wish I could call ex girlfriends, painful experiences, mistakes, qualities I wish I had, qualities I do have, etc. And at the same time, the music I will listen to in the mission field will uplift me and evoke in me the memories, passions, and emotions that built my testimony, lead me to be a missionary, and encourage me to proclaim the gospel.

    But for the next 2 weeks at least, I can listen to my music. Today the songs that bring enraptured thoughts are (in no particular order): Never Knew by Rocket Summer, God and Mars by Days Away, Soundtrack For Our Movie by MAE, Classifieds by Academy Is, Mood Rings by Relient K, and others. If you haven't heard those songs, go and listen to them RIGHT NOW! Specifically "Never Knew" and "Soundtrack For Our Movie." These songs are bliss.

    Today I was reading in the Doctrine and Covenants and came across a scripture that AJ Swartwood had brought to my attention. (The Doctrine and Covenants are a group of modern Revelations that are considered canonized scripture like the Holy Bible and the Book of Mormon.)

    Nevertheless, ye are blessed, for the testimony which ye have borne is recorded in heaven for the angels to look upon; and they rejoice over you, and your sins are forgiven you. (D&C 62:3).

    This verse has been in my thoughts so often recently. There is just so much power in testimony. The footnotes in this verse lead me to section 84, which consists of instructions given to the Apostles before they left on missions. It is inspiring to apply these things to my mission.

    "I started to ache when I started to think of you. Wondering how long it would take before I step into something new. . . Are you looking for an answer? Because I could really use a friend tonight. . . Well I'm a wreck. I really can't explain it but I, I hear the music when I look at you." (MAE).

  • I am exhausted.

    Went to Great America with Collin and Megan. Fatty Greasy foods. Hurricane Harbor most of the time. Super fun. Collin turned into a lobster. More fatty greasy foods. plus ice cream. Collin turned into a lobster in pain. home. Solarcaine for Collin. Apples to Apples with Taylor and Megan.

    I'm just too tired for coherent thoughts, much less coherent sentences.

    14 days until I am a full time missionary. postsecret makes me think strange thoughts. too many thoughts. they confuse me. silly secrets.

    "Cause theme parks are so much more fun when the sun's outside, And I lost my phone to the lake beneath the batman ride" (Relient K).

  • "When it comes to relationships, I'm the dumbest one. And I don't mean just with girls, I mean with everyone. Your illustrations always point out just what's wrong with me: It's chapstick, and chapped lips, and things like chemistry. . . Can I relate to you the way you relate to me? Can you help me out with my chemistry? I don't want to be precieved the way I am, I just want to be percieved the way I am" (Relient k).

    I am absolutely addicted to this Relient K song.

    Also listening to "God and Mars" by Days Away, "I Was So Alone" by The Rocket Summer, and "Classifieds" by The Academy Is.

    15 days until I am a missionary.

    "I can't get my mind to stop running. I can't say I'm able. I can't get my mind to stop spinning around. Don't show me I am able, 'Cause in my mind I'll work it out." (Days Away).

  • "The Lord has blessed me with gospel truth; I have learned His ways in my early youth. I will share my light, for I know it's right to testify of him. The lord has blessed me with simple faith. If I pray for help, He will give me strength. I will do His work, I will gladly serve. I'll follow Him in faith . . ."

    Wow. Though I still have another two weeks here at home before I leave to become a missionary, today was a day full of tears, tender testimony, and goodbyes. Specifically it is very hard to see the Swartwood family leave here. They are a core BG1 family. I cannot express adequately in words the feelings I have for them.

    There was a nice "comings and goings" open house at our home tonight. And then it was goodbye.

    ". . . The Lord has blessed me to feel his love. I have felt His promptings and learned to trust. So in all I do, I'll be faithful to the things I know are true. The Lord has blessed me in many ways. With a thankful heart I will sing His praise. I will raise my voice and proclaim my choice to follow Him in faith. He has shown the way, and through all my days, I'll follow Him in faith." ("I'll Follow Him in Faith", by Janice Kapp Perry. Friend, January 2003, 24).