August 3, 2005

• "I'm thinking that this isn't real, but I'm not concerned. I feel the best when you're not here, but I never learned. I never learned. In my mind I'll work this out. This is changed, I never saw it coming." (Days Away).
  

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  Of all the things that I will miss most when I become a full time missionary two weeks from now, I think that one of the hardest to leave will be my music. And as I say that I know exactly why missionaries are asked to only listen to Christ-centered music. Music is just so powerful. Lyrics too. They evoke in me memories and passions and emotions that would really distract me from the work.

  Specific songs make me wild with enraptured thoughts of old relationships, relationships that never were but that I still wish had happened, friends, ex girlfriends, girls I wish I could call ex girlfriends, painful experiences, mistakes, qualities I wish I had, qualities I do have, etc. And at the same time, the music I will listen to in the mission field will uplift me and evoke in me the memories, passions, and emotions that built my testimony, lead me to be a missionary, and encourage me to proclaim the gospel.

  But for the next 2 weeks at least, I can listen to my music. Today the songs that bring enraptured thoughts are (in no particular order): Never Knew by Rocket Summer, God and Mars by Days Away, Soundtrack For Our Movie by MAE, Classifieds by Academy Is, Mood Rings by Relient K, and others. If you haven't heard those songs, go and listen to them RIGHT NOW! Specifically "Never Knew" and "Soundtrack For Our Movie." These songs are bliss.

  Today I was reading in the Doctrine and Covenants and came across a scripture that AJ Swartwood had brought to my attention. (The Doctrine and Covenants are a group of modern Revelations that are considered canonized scripture like the Holy Bible and the Book of Mormon.)
  

  Nevertheless, ye are blessed, for the testimony which ye have borne is recorded in heaven for the angels to look upon; and they rejoice over you, and your sins are forgiven you. (D&C 62:3).

  This verse has been in my thoughts so often recently. There is just so much power in testimony. The footnotes in this verse lead me to section 84, which consists of instructions given to the Apostles before they left on missions. It is inspiring to apply these things to my mission.
  

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  "I started to ache when I started to think of you. Wondering how long it would take before I step into something new. . . Are you looking for an answer? Because I could really use a friend tonight. . . Well I'm a wreck. I really can't explain it but I, I hear the music when I look at you." (MAE).

  • 10:46 pm
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