"I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand. . . I dream ahead to what I hope for, and I turn my back on loving you. How can this love be a good thing when I know what I'm goin through? . . ."
I live in a goldfish bowl.
Today was 8th grade graduation. Andrew recieved the American Legion award. James was nominated, but didn't get the award. I was not nominated, but obviously it's because I was paving the road. Basically James and I just built a golden staircase for Andrew to climb. 
Or maybe he's just a really hard worker and accomplished great things.
You know the graduation ceremony was pretty good, but I wonder why the speakers always lie. I mean aside from hamming up the day as being the most significant milestone in life, they're always saying things like "Over the years we've always been there for eachother" and "The future is in your hands. It's not something that happens to you, it is something that you do." Well maybe they aren't exactly lies, but they sure as heck aren't true. Why don't they ever say it how it really is? I mean, when I was in Junior High, my class was not always there for me. Gall I hated Junior High because I was often rejected. I went through changes that nobody could help me with. And I don't think I was the only one. And our future . . . that is not our destiny to make. If I were class president or principal or whatever, I would say,
"I've heard it said that life is like a river. That is true. You are a fish swimming down a river. Your future lies ahead. Parents, teachers, friends. People. They are the waves and currents that push and pull you in your course. Most people never deviate from that course. The river guides their lives, often in wonderful ways.
But every once in a while you get someone who won't be lead by the river. They fight hard to break away from the waves. They are strong and swim against the current. Some of them end up stuck in the mud. Some of them end up beat down and worn out. Some fall prey to bigger fish. But there are some that wind up in beautiful places no current could ever lead. Maybe you feel beat down and worn out. Maybe you are that fish washed ashore in the mud. If so, good for you. You swam against current. Now lift your head and see the beauty of the land around you.
Some people say that your life is yours to command. They lie. Your life belongs to world around you. So steal it. Take your life from the waves and currents of the river and test out the stream, or the lake, or the ocean, or even the mud. I'm convinced that the only kind of person worth being is the person who chooses the harder path."
Maybe that's why I wasn't class president. lol. I just get so sick of the lemmings. All these kids just follow the currents school and peers puts them on. Especially in this area it's like everyone is so caught up in sucess and getting good grades and being the perfect Stevenson AP student. I'm serious when I say the mud is not that bad. (not that I'm stuck in the mud ) And then there's the currents of teenage so called "independence" and the pressures to conform to nonconformity. I don't know.
You know what's more annoying than the lemming kids though? The parents. They make me sick. I couldn't stand listening to all the Lincolnshire parents talking around me. I need to get out of this place.
"And no matter how hard I try, I can't escape these things inside I know. I know when all the pieces fall apart, you will be the only one who knows. Who knows. . .In this world there's real and make believe, And this seems real to me" (3 Doors Down).
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