May 8, 2005

• "Sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all, and sometimes I wonder why-- why I'm even here at all, But then You assure me I'm a little more than useless, and when I think that I can't do this, you promise me that I'll get through this and do something right . . . I'm a little more than useless, and I never knew I knew this" (Relient k).
  

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  "I have often said, and will repeat it, that the love of a true mother comes nearer being like the love of God than any other kind of love" (Joseph F. Smith).

  Mother's Day. We almost broke tradition by not serving my mom breakfast in bed. I'm glad we didn't and were still able to serve her a grapefruit and sing and deliver presents because it is my last mother's day before my mission. From this point on I will likely be calling my mother on the phone on Mother's Day.

  I was also really glad that the speakers in Church today spoke in a heartfelt way about motherhood. Lately in an effort to be politically correct and not offend single or childless women, the Mother's Day services have been more and more focused on womanhood in general. I have always been bothered by that because it is not Woman's Day, it is Mother's Day, a time to celebrate the underappreciated role mother's play. I believe that mothers sacrifice in a way that no other can compare. That is why I believe Mother's Day is a sacred occasion surpassed only by Easter and Christmas. I don't think that it is a coincidence that missionaries only get to call home on Christmas and Mother's Day.

  I am so grateful for my mother. As I have watched her with Jonathan I have gained a greater appreciation for the power mother's have over their children and the importance of using that power and using it well. She has sacrificed in unexplainable ways to change this little boy's life and give him a future. I can't even find the words to describe the amazing love and ache you can see in her eyes for her seven children. She was called to this purpose. I will never forget the times when I have caught her privately praying and reading scriptures. She has invoked the powers of Heaven in our home.

  Today in sacrament meeting the young men and women sang the EFY medley. I was fine until they sang, ". . . we will be the Lord's missionaries to bring the world His truth . . ." At that point I got choked up. My mission seems so close and I feel so inadequate. Missionaries are official representatives of Jesus Christ. They bear His message. How can I, with all my weaknesses, ever be good enough to be called an official representative of Jesus Christ? How can I possibly bring to the world a message as great as this message that I love so much. We're talking about Eternity here. This is no small message, it is a message that says God lives. It is a message that says that we are children of God with an eternal, divine heritage and worth. We are heirs of His blessings, and this is a message that teaches people how to receive those blessings prepared for them. How can I possibly bring something that important, that beautiful, and that sacred to the world? How can someone as proud as I and as weak as I ever bring the spirit to these people who I don't even know?

  When they sang that song all these insecurities ran through my mind, but I also found that calm assurance that told me to take courage and trust the Lord. It told me to have faith that His message was strong enough to stand for itself despite the weakness of those who teach it. Today I began putting in my papers. It won't be long now before I am waiting for that call. I will have to find a way to get through my fears and trust that it will all work out.
  

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  "We have been born, as Nephi of old, to goodly parents who love the Lord. We have been taught, and we understand, that we must do as the Lord Commands. We are as the army of Helaman. We have been taught in our youth, and we will be the Lord's missionaries to bring the world His truth. . . We know his plan, and we will prepare, increase our knowledge through study and prayer. Daily we'll learn until we are called to take the gospel to all the world" (Janice Kapp Perry).

  • 9:27 pm
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