In Church today my sister sang "His Hands" by Kenneth Cope (lyrics at the end of this entry). She was so beautiful. At twelve, she already has the sweet, sincere, and beautiful voice of an angel, hitting notes most people don't think a twelve year old even needs to hit. I must confess in my state of about-to-be-leaving-ness (45 days) I cried. I think I covered it well.

I guess I was just so proud of her. And hearing her sing, "And I'll not rest Till I make of my hands what they could be; Till these hands become like those from Galilee" filled me with excitement as I marveled at our potential and of the mercy and grace of Jesus Christ. As her crystal notes rang out, "And then they pierce them, they pierce them. He lets them because of love" I could not sit still because of the euphoric joy wriggling inside me, brought to rest only with the sweet ending, "And though I'm not yet as I would be, He has shown me how I could be. I will make my hands Like those from Galilee."

After she sang, Brother Zippi gave a wonderful talk on retaining the image of Christ in our countenances. It was so spiritual.

After Church Brother Clement and I went over and administered the sacrament to Brother Knudsen. He's been through a lot, and is bed ridden. His attitude, however, sparkles. He has the image of Christ in his countenance, which really made this a great experience for me. I will be and have been praying for their family.

His Hands, Kenneth Cope

His hands, tools of creation
Stronger than nations
Power without end
And yet through them
We find our truest friend

His hands, sermons of kindness
Healing men's blindness
Halting years of pain
Children waiting to be held again

(Chorus) His hands would serve His whole life through
Showing men what hands might do
Giving, ever giving endlessly
Each day was filled with selflessness
And I'll not rest
Till I make of my hands what they could be
Till these hands become like those from Galilee

His hands lifting a leper, warming a beggar
Calling back the dead
Breaking bread, five thousand fed
His hands, hushing contention
Pointing to heaven
Ever free of sin
Then bidding man to follow Him

(Chorus)

His hands clasp in agony
As He lay pleading, bleeding in the garden
While just moments away
Other hands betray Him out of greed
Shameful greed
And then His hands are trembling
Straining to carry
The beam that they'd be nailed to
As he stumbles through the streets
Heading for the hill on which He'd die
He would die
They take His hands
His mighty hands, those gentle hands
And then they pierce them, they pierce them
He lets them because of love

From birth to death was selflessness
And clearly now I see Him with His hands
Calling to me
And though I'm not yet as I would be
He has shown me how I could be
I will make my hands
Like those from Galilee

Perhaps I shouldn't write this publically, but have you ever really wanted to tell someone off? There is this one person (of whom there are many unsaid things I wish I could scream) who I just want to walk up to and say, "I'm sorry that your insecurities make you feel like you can say that to me . . . " I'll just stop there for now.

Anyway, today actually wasn't that bad at all. I woke up and cleaned some house, my aunt came over, I took Jonathan and Megan on a bike ride, then to the park, and then tonight Dana and I and Andy grabbed a pizza and hung out.

"Defense is paper thin; One touch and I'll be in too deep now to ever swim against the current, so let me slip away . . . I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well . . ." (Dashboard Confessional- Vindicated)

Ooo, it's thundering now. Cool.

Today was pretty good. Tonight I took Jonathan for a bikeride, ended up at the LSC, talked to some old friends, etc.

I didn't have to work all the hours I was scheduled for because of rain! When I was at work, there was no one at the pool so I got to read. I love reading getting the chance to read my scriptures at work. Yesterday I read a few chapters of Alma (somewhat randomly) when all of a sudden I was overcome with this feeling that the Book of Mormon was true. It caught me off guard, but it was just so beautiful. It made me think about Joseph Smith. Some say he is a genius, and thus was able to fabricate the Book of Mormon. Others say he was an idiot and couldn't keep his story straight. He can't be both, and thus I say he was neither. I believe he was a humble man of little education, but of much inspiration. I believe he was a prophet.

Today I read the Book of Job. It was very fascinating, and very emotional and passionate (and you know me and my love of passion )

Job really went through so much, enough that twice he wished he had never been born. Yet through all those trials, he maintains his faith that even if God shall "slay me[Job], yet will I trust in Him." (Job 13:15) Job calls out for comfort, from family and from friends and from God, and when he doesn't recieve it, he calls out to us, wishing that his words would be "printed in a book" and "graven with an iron pen and lead in the rock forever, [saying] For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall dstand at the latter day upon the earth: And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God" (Job 19:24-26). What a beautiful testimony of the resurection, one met with the ultimate experience to see God before his death. God delivers this beautiful speach to Job, reminding him all the mysteries of God that Job doesn't know, like where he was before the foundation of the world. And then rewarding Job's faithfulness, the greatest myster is solved as Job exclaims, "I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee."

One of the things I was fascinated by is something I still don't understand. It's this "deal" that Satan makes with God. I find it interesting the way it talks about God. "Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them." (Job 1:6)

This sounds very similar to the Council in Heaven where we (the spirit children of God) all came before our Heavenly Father. That council, however, took place before Earth was created, whereas the council refered to in Job talks about Job and Job's lifestyle, implying that this "day" was after the Earth was created. That leaves me to believe that there were/are more than one, perhaps even numerous, councils in Heaven where God meets with the "sons of God."

Am I making a leap to assume that the "sons of God" refers to spirits before they are born? It says in Job 38:4-7 that the "sons of God shouted for joy" when the Earth was created, meaning that they existed before the world was. Since other scriptures refer to us as children of God, or sons of God, I assume this is another example of our pre-existence.

As for Satan's presense . . . Is it possible for him to return to Heaven after he was kicked out of heaven? If not, then this "day of presentation" must have happened some place else, perhaps Earth? Or maybe it really was before the he was kicked out and the Earth created, thus maybe God gave Satan the power to tempt Job premptively before Job was born. ? hmmm. No I think it had to be after Earth was created, cause it says that's where Satan came form before he met with God.

In chapter 2 it says that "Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them to present himself before the LORD." Is this a reference to Satan at one time being a son of God? since both the sons of God and Satan go to present themselves before the LORD on the same day? Even if so, clearly God would no longer consider Satan his son after he banished him from Heaven.

This is such a beautiful book, I will do some research, but if anyone has any insight I'd be very appreciative.

Though I can't wait for school (who knew I'd ever say that), I don't want this summer to end too soon. This is the best summer I have ever had.

Tuesday Gina called me up and we randomly (and very last min) went to Ravinia with Lily (my biggest fan), Kyle, Abby, Todd, and Janna. Some disco band called Abba was playing, but it really wasn't about the music. It was about the experience of having a picnic and hoping it doesn't rain and taking the train and being in each others company and laughing and getting high off fives (as in high fives). I had a really good time with Gina.

Oh, I guess we were supposed to bring drinks, but Gina forgot to tell me, so we didn't. When we got there, I started telling them this story about how we had been walking along when all of a sudden this guy who was 6' 10" walked up to us and folded his arms and cornered us against the fence and demanded our drinks. Todd and Abby believed me. It was great.

Then yesterday I went to Great America with Emily and Kristen (from youth conference). It was so much fun. I wish more people from our "familiy" could have come, but I had a real good time with Kristen and Emily, and my brother got dropped off later. I think we went on every roller coaster open a couple times except for the iron wolf. Raging Buffalo was fun (that's what Kristen accidently called it), but my favorite is still Superman, which is even cooler at night. The Demon was also fun at night. Kristen and I convinced Emily to break with her fear of the Giant Drop, which was amazing. I saw a side of Emily I'd never seen before when around 8 she got everyone except for me to ride the Logger's Run a few times. lol. I was the only one not freezing and wet, and I'm glad cause it gave me the opportunity to do something I hadn't done since a week or two before school was out. That made me both giddy and happy.

Anyway, we had a really good time despite a few brief showers and a brief period of post lunch exhaustion. After Great America Kristen came over for hot chocolate to warm up, which was really cool. I really had a good time with her.

I wish that I had always been doing things like this- going to Ravinia and Great America and the movies with friends. It is really making me cherish this summer. Between so many good times, so many revelatory experiences, and Jonathan, I think this is the most special, sacred summer I have ever had.

And now for the first time ever I just heard a song by the Graham Colton Band called "Don't give up on me". It's not bad.

I have been reading my scriptures at the pool lately. Today I was a little more focused in what I was reading in light of recent xanga hype. I discovered the sources for a lot of things I believe. Looking back, those sources were always there, but I cared more about the doctrine than the source. Now I am glad I am interested in getting to the root of the belief.

One of the things I did was read the entire chapter of a passage that interested me instead of just the passage. Like Acts chapter 17. Though I've read it before, it was really only verses 28 and 29 that I really payed attention to. Reading the rest gave me a lot of insight.

In this chapter Paul is condeming the false idol gods of Athens, saying that God is not made out of gold or silver or any craft of man. He is like us, or rather we like Him, for "we are the offspring of God." What an amazing thing to know about the nature of God and of man.

I've almost memorized Philippians 2:5-6 "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:  Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God." But it wasn't until reading the whole chapter that I gained a better understanding of what this really means. In this part, Paul is instructing the Philippian saints, teaching them to be of one mind even as Christ. To paraphrase he said: And let us remember this Christ, who humbled himself, was obedient, and was exalted, being once "in the fashion as a man" and then "equal with God." Whose example are we to follow?

Philippians 3 had some other insightful additions, including the notion of a resurrection to a perfect state of being (verses 11-12).

In Galations 4 I learned that as children of God we may be "heir[s] of God through Christ," a notion better understood in the first chapter of Hebrews. "God . . . spake . . . by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds;" (note that last s). Christ is an heir of all things.

We learn in Romans 8 that "The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ," which means that if we live up to our royal and divine inheritance we are joint-heirs of all things. What a future for the faithful!

Other scriptures I found noteworthy on the subject include Genesis 3:22, Ephesians 4:13, 1 John 3:2 (a really good one), Revelation 3:21, John 10:31-42, 2 Corinthians 3:18, and John 1:2.

Though it seems there's quite the religious stir going on here, all I want to say is that I had a good day.

I went to work this morning from 9 to 3, though only 3 people came to the pool.

After that I went to the 4th of July party at the Prows's, which was a lot of fun. It was good to visit with Elizabeth and Elizabeth and John and everyone. I drove Jeff over to Marcy's house for her graduation party, and it was lots of fun. It was so good to see Jamie and her again, although I'm furious Jackie wasn't there .

After that I went to see Spiderman 2 again with Gina and Jeff and James and AJ and Michelle and Michelle, which was lots of fun.

In response to a comment left on the previous entry:

Halfempty, You'd be surprised at how much I know about my Church. I have done a lot of research on it, and read many things both positive and negative.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is anything but destructive. It provides Humanitarian Aid (link) to millions all over the world. Its congregations serve local areas. On the first Sunday of every month members of Church fast for 24 hours, donating the money they would have spent on food (and more) to the poor and needy. I cannot even begin to explain the amount of good things the Church does.

We teach our children to love and honor God. We teach them that they may be saved as they have faith in Jesus Christ, are baptized in His name, and follow His commandments. These things are a reflection of our love for Him, responding to He who said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments" (John 14:15)

We believe that we all learn "line upon line" and "precept upon precept." Let me speak from my experiences. I am an artist. I had to learn that blue and yellow made green before I could ever learn that blue and yellow and little red make a different, duller shade of green. The same is true with the Church. Having said that, know that we do not teach our Children anything that is wrong, nor do we teach them anything that is deceptive or contrary to what we ourselves believe.

As for the establishment of truth. I'm not going to enter this debate. I have done so many times before, and, quite frankly, it is getting old. I can not convince you of anything. As much as I would like to, I won't.

The opportunity is there for everyone to find out for themselves. Don't take my word for it, find out for yourself. I know the Book of Mormon is true. God has established that fact to me. Have you read the Book of Mormon? If not, than you can't say it isn't good because you haven't read it. If you don't want to read, then fine. Stay out of our business then and let us live our lives according to what Jesus Christ has taught us.

The truth of the Book of Mormon is established the same way God reveals all his truth, through the Holy Spirit. When Peter testified that Jesus was the Christ, Jesus told him, "Blessed art thou, . . . for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven" (Matt 16:17). That same Christ said "Ask, and it shall be given you." (Matt 7:7).

I have asked. I have asked God if the Book of Mormon is true, and He established that truth to me fulfilling His promise that "if ye shall ask [if the Book of Mormon is true] with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost" (Moroni 10:3-4). No man can talk me out of believing in that Book. Flesh and blood hath not revealed its truth to me, but my Father, which is in heaven, has, and will to all people who read the Book of Mormon and ask in faith.

If it seems strange to you that God would work through direct revelation, marvel not, for as we read in the scriptures God has always worked through revelation. I testify of this, and of the divinity of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I testify that Jesus is the Christ, and that He lives. I leave you with that in His name, Amen.

Jonathan is here safely and all is well.

I am tired, and meant to go to sleep long ago but ended up watching Runaway Bride with my sister.

I just realized it is tomorrow. Good night.

If one more thing goes right, I think I might go crazy with the euphoria of it all. (I should not jinx myself, though, until 2 tomorrow at least)

I just saw Spiderman 2. I have not been so emotional over a movie since . . . well maybe ever (excluding those seminary videos ) It was so goooooood. Two things at the end made me furious, but the rest was great. The themes behind it all overrode the painfully obvious fact that this directer was clearly and intentionally pulling heart strings and setting you up for a third movie. The themes are just amazing.

"With great power comes responsibility."

Maybe I'll stop dreaming that I'm peter pan and instead wish to be Spiderman. Except that I would never want that burden. Or do we all have that burden? . . . oooooo deep thoughts. They're dangerous I tell you; the friend I saw the movie with told me that I should never have taken film genres. I can't help it if I annalyze!

The thrill of it is driving me nuts and I can't sleep. Except the real reason I can't sleep is because tomorrow I will have a new brother. It's going to keep me up all night. I suppose I will just have to blast Vindicated and go and cry or something cool like that.

Edit:
P.S. I'm not sure I like this being the top entry when the other entry, the one about Jonathan should be the most important, but I don't know how to fix it. Unless I don't post this until tomorrow. Hmmm. Oh dash it, just read the previous entry first.

Please excuse the drama, but this is big:

For two years the prayers of family, friends, teachers, Bishops, and home teachers have ascended into Heaven. This morning they were answered as the windows of Heaven opened up and poured out its miracle. Unfortunately the public nature of xanga prevents me from explaining it fully here, but I will say that an Iowa judge this week issued a verdict in favor of my family granting us custudy and guardianship of a little boy in need. I am the oldest of six no more; I am now the oldest of seven kids!

Jonathan. My new brother.

The very sound of it excites me so much because of the sacrifice that it took to bring him here. 9 months pales in comparison to the 2 year legal battle with all its stressful sleepless nights, leaps of faith amidst uncertain circumstances, intense fasting, and enough heart wrenching prayers to fill a life time.

I want to thank any and all of you who have prayed or fasted with my family or who have otherwise contributed to our struggle or supported us. I testify that those prayers were answered and those fasts met with many miracles. I am so grateful for the deep and moving power that is in prayer. I bear witness of the power of the Temple prayer roll, and of fasting, and of priesthood blessings.

I can not wait until we can go to the Temple as a family and be sealed together for time and all eternity. The very thought alone fills me with . . . I can't even explain the feeling.

P.S. One last request. Please pray that we can pick him up safely tomorrow. We are very concerned that something might happen to him between the time the verdict was issued and the time we pick him up.