Happy Mother's Day.

The speakers in Church today were amazing. I felt the spirit very strongly, and despite being extremely tired from last night I would go so far as to say that this was the best Mother's Day Sacrament Meeting I have ever been to. I do like being able to have a chance weekly to take the sacrament and renew my covenants. Especially on weeks like this, it is very refreshing to feel the Savior's love.

On a more negative note *sigh* It has been such a long weekend to such a long week and I am very grateful that it is over.

"The strength of the bearers of burdens is decayed, and there is much rubbish; so that we are not able to build the wall." (Nehemiah 4:10)

Anyway. Last night I got home late from babysitting, but earlier than expected because of the storm/tornado watch. Just as I was struggling to relax amounst all of the burdens of the week, the rain began to come down harder. The wind picked up. I enjoyed the beautiful display of lightning that expressed my feelings for the previous days. And then the gutter filled up past its capacity. And then there was a waterfall, loud and forcefull, outside of my window. The water was falling over the gutter and crashing down on the roof just a few feet from where I lay in bed. I hate that sound. It began to esculate, and I knew what would happen next based on my luck this week.

The distant fall of water turned into a not so distant trickle. As I called for my dad, the water began to pour into my room. Water everywhere. *sigh* Someone had opened my storm window some how, and the water was able to get in. We closed it admist the pelting rain and wind, and then attempted to return to bed.

I wonder who in the world opened it. It's kind of creepy, a few days ago I was talking on the phone in my room when I swear I suddenly became not so alone. Someone was in the room, I felt them come, and leave. A similar occurance happened a night or two later. Hmmm. Maybe somebody snuck into my room, leaving the outer window open . . . SNARL. That's it . . . wow I need to simmer down and chill out. Alright. I'm going to go give my mom a big hug since it's Mother's Day. Goodbye.

P.S. Trying to decide what I think about this quote:
"The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy."
-Jim Rohn

I am soooooo angry right now. I feel humiliated and hurt my stupid English teacher. To celebrate the end of the AP test, he decided to show us a surprise movie. Within the first 30 seconds of that surprise movie there was already a half naked women walking across the projector. I was sure that it was going to get better, how much worse could it be? Alright, I overestimated Mr. Kim's morals. A fully naked women "covering" herself with her hands was on the projection next. Lifesize. --and to the background music, "I'm going to send you back to b**** school." The movie was called "This is Spinal Tap."

As pornography, drugs, and heavily offensive language filled the classroom, I sat there shocked, offended, and enraged. I did not laugh at the so called "comedy." What has the world come to when English teachers can show that filth? I hate the English Department at Stevenson High School. No other department has offended me so strongly or so often as the English Department. *SNARL* grrrrrrrr I am so enraged. I am ashamed at my hesitation and at my trust in the teacher. I thought for sure it must be "PG-13" or he wouldn't be showing it to our class without our permission, but sure enough, as I looked it up, it was "R." That means restricted to those under 17. I am 16. hmmmmmm

Not to mention the standards that I hold. It states very clearly in the For the Strength of Youth Pamphlet not to see such movies. I feel so cheated. I believe in the prophets. I believe Gordon B. Hinckley. His teachings make me happy. I know that they are part of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am disturbed that the school can so easily comprimise those teachings. *sigh* but what can you do. I know one thing for sure, I will not be watching that movie.

I have decided that I am schizotypal. With a tiny amount of avoidance in me and a little narcissism and definately some obession . . . lol *sigh* Don't worry, "I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell . . ."

My wall has fallen and I'm taking a time out until I can rebuild it.

Never underestimate the power of a nice long bike-ride . . . what an anxious day hmmm wish me luck tomorrow on my A.P. English exam.

(with so many loooonnnnng entrees I figured your'd appreciate a short one)

As much as I do love to write, sometimes it's just better for me to copy lyrics . . . I'm in one of those low wall moods so heres some of my favorite music . . .

"Can you hear me scream?. . .Time is standing still"
(All American Rejects)

"In this head my thoughts are deep,/But sometimes I can't even speak, . . ./I'm off again in my World"
(Avril Lavigne)

"I used to be the kind of guy/Who'd never let you look inside/I'd smile when I was crying. . ./Strange, everybody's feeling strange/Never gonna be the same"
(Bon Jovi)

"how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home"
(Evanescence)

". . . I got my defenses . . .
I'm not the one you should fear . . .
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all"
(Goo Goo Dolls)

"And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow . . .
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am"
(Goo Goo Dolls)

"I think about you all the time/ But I don't need the same/ It's lonely where you are/ Come back down,/And I won't tell 'em/Your name"
(Goo Goo Dolls)

And I'd post some of Matchbox Twenty like Bent and Disease and Unwell but I allready did that yesterday.

Yay for Matchbox May!

Last night's concert at the United Center was amazing despite Maroon 5's horrible music. Sugar Ray was really good- with "Answer the Phone," and "When it's over," and "Falls Apart," and "Every Morning," and "Fly" (which much to my joy and happiness was dedicated to the troops) . . . "All around the world statues crumble for me/Who knows how long I've loved you" good stuff, they may not be the best on the radio/CD, but in concert they are amazing. After Sugar Ray, Jeff and his dad, brother Prows, joined Weggs and Megs, John, James, and I (they had to scalp some tickets, shhh).

And then there was Matchbox. They were awesome. Just awesome. They started out with "Cold," a song that is really really good live. Disease was another song that was just amazing live, it was one of my favorites that night. None of the songs, however, could match "Bent." I love that song period, but hearing it live and seeing it in concert was wonderful. On the screen, a black car did cool tricks and turns, and the sound- it was so . . . it was just awesome; it really hit me hard. "If You're Gone" was another one that is far better in concert than on CD, and so was "Downfall." "Unwell" was up there on my list of favorites . . . it was really really good, but I expected that. The last song of the encore took me by surprise, but it was one of the ones I had wanted to hear: "Push". That was really good live. *sigh* It was all so amazing . . .

The concert wasn't all I expected. It was my first, and I had underestimated man's (and woman's) abilty to smoke and drink irrisponsibly. Oh well, what can you do. Actually we did a lot. We got several people in trouble . . . it was very rewarding to have some of the girls in front of us thank us for stoping the women seated next to them from smoking. Not all the world is worldly. I tell you, though, what little smoking/drugs I saw/smelled was absolutely discusting and I want no part in it. Anyway, I think we all had a good time, and I can definately say that Matchbox Twenty is my favorite band next to Goo Goo Dolls only, with Something Corporate not far behind . . . We left the concert all smelling like weed (much to our dismay since we are all LDS and since we all hate drugs); I got home around one this morning after driving everyone home . . . I got 12 pedidals . . . and very tired in the shower, was still humming, or perhaps it was just ringing in my ears, the amazing music . . .

"If I fall along the way/pick me up and dust me off./and if I get too tired to make it/be my breath so I can walk/If I need some other love/give me more than I can stand/and when my smile gets old and faded/wait around I'll smile again/shouldn't be so complicated/just hold me and then/just hold me again/ can you help me I'm bent/ I'm so scared that I'll never/ get put back together/ you're breaking me in/ and this is how we will end/ with you and me bent"

"But I am stronger than you know/I have to let you go. . . I got a disease/Deep inside me/Makes me feel uneasy, baby/I can't live without you, tell me/What am I supposed to do about it? /Keep your distance from it/Don't pay no attention to me/I got a disease . . . I think that I'm sick/But leave me be/While my world is coming down on me . . ."

"Hold on/I'm feeling like I'm headed for a/Breakdown/I don't know why/I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell/I know right now you can't tell/But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see/A different side of me/I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired/I know right now you don't care/But soon enough you're gonna think of me/And how I used to be . . ."

"I wonder how you sleep/I wonder what you think of me/If I could go back/Would you have ever been with me . . .I want you on my side/Come on . . . I've always been with you . . . Be my savior/And I'll be your downfall . . . I want so much so bad"

"I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing/If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home/There's an awful lot of breathing room/But I can hardly move. . ./I bet you're hard to get over/I bet the room just won't shine/I bet my hands I can stay here/I bet you need - more than you mind . . . I think I could need - this in my life/I think I'm just scared - that I know too much/I can't relate and that's a problem/I'm feeling/ If you're gone"

"this ain’t over, no not here, not while I still need you around /you don’t owe me, we might change/yeah we just might feel good/ I wanna push you around, I will, I will /I wanna push you down, I will, I will /I wanna take you for granted, /I wanna take you for granted I will"

"I wish the real world, would just stop hassling me"

goodstuff


And now for today's report:

I just got back from Medieval Times with a friend of mine, Emily, and her family. We were celebrating her upcoming 16th birthday. We had a really good time- walking around and looking at the pictures and the swords and the statues, etc. Dinner was good, I definately enjoyed eating with my fingers!

The knights put up a good show, though I was disapointed that all the horses were black and white and maybe brown. The paintings on the wall showed blue and red and green horses, and I thought we'd get to see some in real life. You know, like the emerald city horses in Wizard of Oz.

Emily's brother got a sword that was really cool . . . I would like to own a sword like that someday . . . until now I'll just have to borrow Wegg's machete. (I need a dictionary . . . why can't I spel anyting)

Anyway, that has been my weekend so far . . . *sigh* I need more time to study for my AP US History exam next week. And English on tuesday . . . yikes! Oh well.