May 15, 2003

• Heather, the lucky quarter you gave me is awesome. Something very wonderful and very amazing happened to today.
  
  Bad things happened. I was offended twice. Jeff Prows said somethings that really make me angry, and my English teacher wrote my father and I a weak e-mail in which I lost a lot of respect for my high school. Many other bad things happened, and yet somehow with that quarter, I was cheerful today. I had a good day. I am in a good mood. I feel fine. I was able to let go of what offended me and smile and nod knowing I’m right on the inside , while saying on the outside, “I don’t mind what you are saying,” and “I’m not going to let you make me upset.” Somehow with that quarter I was able to stash away the things that eat me up inside, feeling like I am strong. I didn’t worry, I didn’t fret. I was obsessive still, but not compulsive , and I was able to eat away at some of my narcissism.
  
  In reality, though, it couldn’t have been the quarter. It possesses no magical charm; it is no icon touched by the robes of any ancient prophet. No, the quarter symbolizes something different.
  
  It does possess the inscription, “In God we Trust,” which seems to whisper, “Don’t worry, just trust God that it will all work out in the end.”
  
  It also possesses the inscription, “E pluribus unum” meaning “Out of many, one.” I am a lover of unity. This comforting reminder that we are all one as children of God helps me to respect myself and others.
  
  Perhaps it was none of the symbolism at all. Perhaps it was my excitement for prom tomorrow. Perhaps it was the fact that it was Heather’s quarter. Perhaps it was the reminder that only I can determine how I feel, that only my attitude can stop me from being happy.
  
  Perhaps it was my vacation. Tuesday I put on my hawaiian shirt and went on vacation. I relaxed, I simmered down. I took the much needed break.
  
  Perhaps it was Seminary. Maybe the quarter wasn’t related at all, maybe it was just the fact that today and yesterday I discovered hidden joy in something as little as seminary. Maybe it was the spirit I felt as we learned about Spencer W. Kimball, the sweet whisper that told me that modern day revelation is real.
  
  Perhaps I am letting things happen that I previously would have tried to stop. Is my wall protecting me even more today, or is my wall shrinking?
  
  I think that it is neither. I think that I have a different wall today. This wall prevents things from becoming burdens, it protects me from the wear of other people. This wall doesn’t keep out sadness, it takes it in and resolves it, nutralizing it with happiness.
  
  Whatever it is, I like it. I like the enchantment of Heather’s lucky 1998 quarter. I like what it is doing. I like the increased ability to feel the spirit, the increased ability to relax. I like the way I feel.
  
  P.S. Yes, I know I’m a dork, you don’t have to tell me . . . sorry about the length.
  
  Memory for the Day:
  The swim meet at Frosh/Soph Invite at Nequa Valley two years ago. . . it was the most fun I’ve ever had at a swim meet . . . Fabyan, Dinero, you all know what I’m talking about.

  • 6:18 pm
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