April 28, 2003
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For my Independent Reading Project I had read “The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man” by James Joyce. At a first glance I will be honest, I was hugely disappointed and even offended. First of all, it is drenched in poetry and confusion. The events seem in random order and it is hard to understand.
Furthermore, like so many other books we have read in an English program I am not happy with (The Picture of Dorian Gray, The Catcher in the Rye, Ordinary People, etc.) the novel was laden with scenes of prostitutes and masturbation, homosexual references, scenes of Catholic scandal, the glory of the artistically profane over the glory of God, and myriad sensual undertones. I was reminded of my offense with the same themes and undertones in The Picture of Dorian Gray.
The story was basically about a boy who grows up immersed in spirituality in the Jesuit priesthood, but decides to rebel against God, family, and nation to pursue his sensual desires as an artist and writer. I was offended and it sickened me to the nth degree, but then I remembered that Brother Zippi had recommended the Portrait of an Artist, and I thought about some things he had said. How could a former Bishop recommend a book laden with such offensive material?
Unsatisfied with my first glance, I took another. As I dove beneath my first shallow glance I discovered the most tragic story I had ever read because I know what the story could have been– My own.
As an both an Artist and a Priest I face the same battle between the sensual and the spiritual. I faced the same things that the main character, Stephen Dadalus, faced, and yet in almost every case I made the opposite choice he did. I realize there were major differences in our situations (There is a huge difference between America and Ireland, the Mormon Priesthood verses the Catholic Priesthood, and my hardworking father verses his alcoholic father), but I still found it sad that Stephen did not do what I did.
There is a conflict between the sensual and the religious, and Stephen thus decided to abandon the religious all together. How tragic! I, on the other hand, found a way to weld the sensual to the spiritual, joining those two passions of mine: religion and art. I am an Artist, but I am also a Priest in the Holy Priesthood of Aaron.
When faced with guilt, Stephen chose to rebel against the “conformity” of the Catholic Church and pursue his sensual delights, denying the more lasting safety of the spiritual joy. Again, how tragic. Although judging from his experience with the 1890’s Irish Catholic Church I can understand why he would find fault with the Catholic Authority, his denial of morality and God in general is the beginning of a painful, downward spiral. I am grateful for the peace and happiness of repentance through the atonement of Jesus Christ that allows me to embrace my own Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, rather than wander around in darkness as Stephen did.
Although both Stephen and I perceive freedom in our separate paths, his “freedom” is tragically misleading, whereas the freedom I seek is not. The perceived freedom that Stephen gains in the end is the ability to make his own choices, more specifically to pursue his own sensual passions, without being held accountable to religious authority. (I am not going to bring Godly accountability in to this for two reasons: 1. I don’t think that Stephen truly denies accountability from God and 2. while I believe in eternal consequences, I think it is better to analyze this novel with temporal Earthly consequences to avoid excessive dogmatic technicalities) After explaining how and why he will not conform to religious, family, or national institution, Stephen states, “I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defense the only arms I allow myself to use– silence, exile, and cunning” (247). Isolation– Is that freedom?
In contrast, the freedom I seek is the freedom to be in control of myself and to be able to pursue lasting happiness. I seek to achieve this not through rebellion, but through obedience to the laws and ordinances or the Gospel of Jesus Christ. That seems impossible, but it isn’t. This is how it works. Let’s look at something simple small like fornication. (comic relief here)
According to Stephen’s theory of freedom, he should be able to be as promiscuous as he wants– experimenting “as freely as [he] can.” Taken to the next step, however, and that is not freedom. A girl gets pregnant, he contracts an STD, he is constantly breaking hearts and being bogged down by relationships, or else, if he continues with hired help he runs into self-degradation, lowing self-esteem, addiction, and loss of respect for himself and women. That is freedom?
By my theory, I adhere to the conduct of sexual purity of the Priesthood. It is restricting. I cannot do many things with women before marriage; I may not “express myself . . . as freely . . . [or] as wholly as I can.” But taken to the next step, however, and there is freedom. Since I waited until I was 16 to date, I gained maturity that has helped me avoid unhealthy relationships. I now have the freedom to date any girl I want (provided that she wants to as well). I have the freedom to leave that relationship without having to worry about “strings” being attached. I have the freedom to think what I will of women, to respect them and as such gain respect from them. I have the freedom to learn about myself, and to discover the kinds of traits I want to develop in myself and in relationships. In the future I will have the freedom to choose anyone I want to get to know better, and when we make the covenants of marriage together, then we will have the freedoms and responsibilities of creation. We will have the freedom to choose the best environment to develop the talents of parenting. That is freedom.
Freedom is more than being able to choose, it is being able to control oneself. It is being able to achieve the most amount of possibilities. How many possibilities are there with bad choices compared to the possibilities of boundless freedom? I go back to the kite analogy. A young girl is flying a kite with her dad. Oh how free the kite is, floating in the wind wherever it wants. She lets out more string, and the kite flies higher, freer. She decides that she wants to give the kite ultimate “freedom,” she cuts the string. Now the kite is “free,” right? The kite’s possibilities are narrowed, it falls to the earth, void of the freedom to travel where it will.
That is why the story of Stephen is so sad. He could have what I have, but he didn’t know how or where to find it. He could be as happy as I am. “Wickedness never was happiness” (Alma 41:10) There is joy in freedom, but Stephen’s freedom can only last so long. I testify that you can touch the sensual while still maintaining the standards of the Priesthood. I testify that you can touch the spiritual while still maintaining the passion of the Artist. Don’t narrow your options, expand them.
P.S. sorry about the length of this post, I most definitely invested way to much thought into these parallels
Comments (2)
Did you write that just for xanga? But anyway, that was good… a month or two ago, Chris Heimerdinger (author of the Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites book) gave a fireside out here and talked about that too. I was interested because even though I’ve never read his books, he was talking about the same thing you just wrote about. He said not to let any label you give yourself (example: artist… which is the example he used and the example most appliccable to me) become more important than the label of Latter-day Saint. I’m an artist too, so I really thought about it. Sounds good to me! Good post, though rather long
I truly enjoyed what you just said – especially about the freedoms of doing what is right. This post meant a lot to me. Having been exposed to both right and wrong – I must say that you have a very clear idea of what happens when people choose what is wrong thinking that it will lead to freedom (after all it was THEIR decision). Again this post meant a lot to me.
Take Care